Do humans control their destiny or does a higher spirit already have a destiny planned?

In my development, I’ve acquired a strong sense of/in fate. Although I believe in higher spirit, I don’t know its definition. Is there more than one force? Do its beliefs match the bibles teachings, or is it more closely linked to another religion? Does it compare to any existing religion?

Despite my multiple ponderings, fate holds truth. Divinity has a plan for every person created. Therefore, one is meant to do every thing they are/were meant. The fact contradicts all the worries, questions, doubts one may hold.

Furthermore, there are no such mistakes. One’s ”trips” are intended. Moreover, they occur for a reason: to teach lessons of morale and value through personal experience. Mistakes and triumphs are equivalent in constructing an edifice of wisdom. The raw exposure accentuates the soul. Ultimately, fate crafts an objective to build wisdom on a bed of mistakes.

Everyone has a place in the world, something they are supposed to do while alive. Some purposes affect a larger group than others. But, each one is of equal importance and value to the world. Some are negative, others are positive. Yet, the negative are not completely negative. The act might be beyond dark. But, the effect on Earth’s people (even if it is one) teaches lessons to those who know or had close acquaintance with the event.

My great grandmother, may she rest in peace, was a Lebanese immigrant whose impact was beyond monumental proportion and value. There was not one sole act. It seemed as if every action, word, and feeling she displayed was of genuine kindness. Since she grew up in Lebanon she was kept from education, and barely new which country she came from. She came to America at the ripe age of fourteen with my great grandfather (also the same age). They gave birth to infinite/untraceable amounts of children. And, worked there way up to living an extremely modest form of the american dream. Later, her soul-mate died. Yet, she found strength to remain. And, through her strength more sincerity grew. As a brittle woman who lived far into her nineties, she welcomed the strangest strangers to her home, those who required help. No second thoughts of fear of those people came to her. She only realized their despair and repaired what she could with understanding, love, and food. Her naively peaceful demeanor and simplicity only aided in nursing.

Her doors were always left unlocked. She used whatever, and everything, she had. Although eventually requiring assistance, self-dependence remained. She lived on things she grew, applying her life’s purpose to every day, without strain, second guessing, or doubt. Body/ability was diminishing, yet soul determination rooted.

            Motivation seems to have disappeared from my dictionary this year. This is definitely not good; this year is one of the most crucial years of my high school education. It is going to take much work, dedication, determination, and motivation. Nevertheless, I don’t have any of those four essentials to complete it successfully. I love the idea of doing my homework well, completely, and turned in on time. Yet, when it comes to the accomplishment of the fantasy, that is homework, nothing in my mind clicks like it used to. Back in the day I was fierce when it came to assignments. More than that, I loved them: thinking about them, planning what my topic would be, and how it would look. Now my organs are drained of their nourishment to continue. I don’t see the point in it any more. Maybe this is because I don’t know my soul and I don’t have any goals for the future.

            The goals I have right now have nothing to do with school. I’ve lost my desire to go to college. I’m not sure that there is anything there that I want to do for a living. But, that is just my point. People’s life and purpose, it seems, involves some kind of work for money. Honestly, the whole system confuses me. One goes to college by writing good papers (which in turn is what money is made out of so they essentially are money), learn a trade at this school by paying for it with more paper, and get a job to make more paper than anyone else. Paper is necessary to provide for a family, live in the suburbs and maintain a good image for others to judge you by. Is that what I want? Does anyone want this? Does it even make sense?

Junior year I’ve found to be much different than any other year. A lot more is expected from you as a student and as a person. I hope I can live up to the expectations. Furthermore, I hope this year will exceed my expectations. My summer definitely was not the highlight I hoped it would be.

So far, AP Lang is the hardest class I’ve ever taken. Most of the kids in this class are geniuses and are college bond, valedictorian bound, or at least have some sort of plan. This is really intimidating. I’m different. I don’t know if I’m college bond or bond to anything. I don’t want to be. Of course, I hope to get good grades and all that jazz. All I know is that I joined this class to become a better writer, since it might be helpful in the future.

This year I know I don’t have any plans to go volunteer in Africa or change my community. My only plan is to be as spontaneous like I always try to be. I want to try new things. I want to have a journey. I want to follow the my soul and the ideas from my favorite characters with no worries. Maybe I’ll journey off to Union Station and grab a train to a beach. Other than that I don’t know the answer to your question. I want to be a free, wild, spirit. And, of course, in all my vanity, look good while doing it.

P.S. I love this little blog deal. It is totally cute like a little girls diary that I was always to lazy to keep when I was a “little girl”.